you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
