Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
