How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
