Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
