Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
