I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Randomize
