And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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