Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
