It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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