Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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