I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
