in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
