I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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