I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Dear god my vagina.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
