he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
pop tarts are not kleenex
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
