I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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