Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
