I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
