and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
