What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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