I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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