why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
