my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
