I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
