help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
