Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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