He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
