She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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