Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
