just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
