Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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