I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
