I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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