I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
