So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
