Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize