pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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