your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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