i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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