3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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