how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
