Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
