People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
