At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize