I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
