You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
