i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
