i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She's the barista slut.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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