I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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