JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize