I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
