I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
grandma shit on top of the toilet
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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