Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
