If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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