How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
