I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
