a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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