I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize