what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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