is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
