mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
