I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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