my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
