i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
