There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
