It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize