Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
