were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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