I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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