Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
