Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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