you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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