i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
