He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
