I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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