ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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