I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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