Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize