i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
