So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
