I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she woke up with a sticky ear
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
