drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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