ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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