I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
This baby is an asshole
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
