My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
