Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Houston, we have a blender
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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