Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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