my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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