Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
