its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
In other news, I just burned my penis
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
