Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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