So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
