there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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